could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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