and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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