yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
