You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
