Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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