i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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