I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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