There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
