that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
