I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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