The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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