Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
