we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
