You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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