so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize