Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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