Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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