Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
