he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
