Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
