i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
