In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
