Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
