If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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