If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
