its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
