how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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