dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
