drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
