Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
