I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
