Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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