I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
