Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
