it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
