your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize