Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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