Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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