Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
