K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
