i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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