he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
