Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
