I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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