I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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