some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
