I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
