my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
