just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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