I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk is not a location!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize