Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
