i'm signing you up for texting rehab
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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