I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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