margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
