i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
