I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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