Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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