I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
