I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You need Xanax blowdarts
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
