i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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