yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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