Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
