Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
