I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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