i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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