someone get that fucking seahorse.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
