home. puking in laundry basket.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
