im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
