I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
