He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
