i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
