I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
