I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
