I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
