It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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