haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
