I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
