I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You can't motorboat a personality
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
